CRAP-TALK with Bill Oberst Jr.

Bill Oberst Jr. (46) is an actor in numerous horror films and TV series. He has played in almost 60 movies and is probably best known for his role as a Facebook stalker in the viral video “Take this Lollipop” and for his phenomenal rape scene in the movie “Nude Nuns with Big Guns”. Bills trademark is his creepy body which is why he is also known as “the guy with the creepy torso”. Besides acting he is also highly involved in social projects and saving the world.

We got the chance to ask him these really important questions.

CRAP-MAGAZINE: I do it all the time. How often do you google yourself?

Bill Oberst Jr.: I do it all the time too! I google myself many times each day. It’s the first thing I do in the morning after pushups and the last thing I do before bed. When you are a working actor you have to google yourself all the time or you miss a lot of opportunities.

We read, that you were a fat kid. Is it true and if so, how did that affect your later life / career?

It is true. I had a 46 inch waist when I was 12 years old. I had huge breasts and was ashamed to go swimming without a shirt. When I was a fat kid it was unusual to be fat, so people made fun of me. So I had two choices: I could either learn to entertain them so they would laugh with me and not at me, or I could be bitter and angry. I choose to entertain them and became an actor. This made me so happy that I started working out, became an amateur boxer and lost the weight. Today in America, a kid as fat as I was would not even be considered fat, because so many Americans are fat. America is drowning in its own fat and we lie to ourselves about it by changing the sizes of clothes to make us feel better about being obese. My definition of fat for a male is a simple one – if you look down and you can’t see your penis, you are fat.

I’m sorry to say that, but you have in fact a creepy body. What’s your “beauty-secret”?

I will take that as a compliment! I stay lean to accentuate my natural creepiness. I do a lot of crunches and abdominal exercises. I eat a lot of spinach and grilled chicken. Then I check myself by going to the gym and seeing if people say “Ewww!” when I am in the locker room. They usually do.

And how did wearing no shirt in numerous film roles affect your relationship to your nipples?

I had a make-up artist tell me that I have creepy nipples. I really don’t see how nipples can be creepy, but that would go right along with the rest of me. Film sets are often cold, and my nipples are long anyway, so they are kind of hard to miss on a set. When you are playing a monster or creature with a full-body make-up sometimes you can’t put on a shirt or you will ruin the make-up, so you are kind of exposed. A lighting guy once passed me on set and said, “Weird nipples, dude.” By the way, I think answering this question is the most thought I have ever given to my nipples. Our relationship is usually an unspoken one.

Are people in real life afraid of you and do they move to the other side of the street when they see you? Have you any interesting anecdotes of being recognized on the street?

This is not a lie: I have had mothers pull their children away from me in the market. They say things like, “Get away from him, honey.” And I am just minding my own business shopping for produce, you know? I hope that the people who do this have seen me in a film or on the internet and are not just reacting to me in real life that way! I do have a disturbing face. Since Take This Lollipop (director Jason Zada’s viral Facebook application in which I play the Facebook stalker) came out and got 70 million hits last year, I get recognized a lot more. Two cast members from one of the Star Trek tv series work out at my gym in Hollywood, and one of them said, “Hey you’re the guy that scared the shit out of my wife on Facebook last night.” I was really honored.

I imagine, getting to know a girl and telling her, “Hi I’m Bill also known as the rapist from Nude Nuns with Big Guns!” must be quite unusual, even in L.A. Do you get laid because you’re a creepy actor?

I can only get laid when I am not working on a film (if you do it while you are filming it takes the energy away; plus being really hungry for action makes your eyes intense on camera and is good for the performance) so it has been awhile because I have been working a lot lately, since you asked! But I do get mail from people who find the creepy guy or the Facebook Stalker character erotic. Nobody has yet said they find the Nude Nuns With Big Guns rapist priest erotic. They just say he is a creepy mofo and leave it at that. There is an old saying that everyone wants to be attacked by the rapist of their choice, but I don’t think Brother John in that movie is anybody’s fantasy. Not people who write to me anyway!

What’s with tender/sensitive Bill? Does he exist?

Tender/sensitive Bill is the guy talking to you now! I am 2nd generation German in America, so even my tender/sensitive side tends to be a little stern. I don’t gush. I believe in self-discipline and hard work and being plain-spoken without too much emotion. I only cry when I see animals or old people abused. Then I stop crying and want to kill the son of a bitches who do it. I have a lot of simmering anger which I only let out in my roles. In life I am a soft-spoken, church-going guy who doesn’t drink, smoke or use drugs. Playing the bizarre characters I play is my vice. And my drug. And my passion.

How do you prepare for a rape scene? And did you get a boner while filming?

I get asked to do this fairly often. Why? Do I look like a rapist to you? I guess it goes along with having a rough face and a creepy body. I raped four women last year, one of them dead and one a nun. On film only, I might add! You prepare for a rape scene (or a love scene) by talking to the girl first and asking her what it ok and what is not. Actresses worry about these scenes, because they are the ones who are vulnerable. I had one actress call me a month ago and say “Bill, would you rape me in a short film I am doing? I know you will take care of me and I am comfortable with you.” Which was kind of sweet. Like any other film stunt, you work out the safety issues and you rehearse it slowly until you and your scene partner are comfortable. Then when the camera rolls you can go for it and get lost in the scene. As to getting a boner while filming I will tell you the truth because lying to CRAP-MAGAZINE would not be a good idea: yes, it happens on the first few takes. After that you both start laughing and it goes away. I have never been asked this before! You are making me blush.

One of my big dreams is to play a zombie in a movie. But I am afraid, that I could get scared on the set and pee my pants. What is the atmosphere like on a horror movie set?

A horror set is the most fun atmosphere you could imagine! Everyone there is a freak of some sort so we are all comfortable and laughing. Then when it is time to do the scene, it gets very intense and often really scary. Everyone is a pro. And a freak! You would love it! If you pee your pants it is ok. Some zombies get into that.

Do you see a connection between Porn and Horror?

There is a strong sexual component in horror but it only bubbles to the surface from time to time. I think that is much more exciting than porn where it is just there all the time and is really too much. A taste is better than a banquet in this area, I think. Humans get bored and gorged very easily. Bad horror veers over into porn. Good horror excites both the big brain and the little one. That is a skill and not easily done. Which is why there is so much bad horror.

How did you end up in the horror movie business, anyway? Is it worth it?

A British site recently named me their King Of Horror for 2012. My mother and people who know me well find this very odd. They don’t see me as scary. Or horrible. But the camera does. I am a monster on camera. And the camera is the real king. All hail the camera. I thank God that I have a distinct look and that I can make people’s skin crawl. Otherwise I would be just another middle-aged actor with bad skin. And that would be worse than a rape scene with no boner.

I personally don’t get the point of horror movies. What do horror movies do for you?

Watch The Exorcist. That is the perfect horror movie, in my book. Or some of the German expressionist films of the silent era. Or speaking of German classic horror, watch Peter Lorre in the film M. Good horror is like taking a dump (and I would only say this to CRAP-MAGAZINE, because I know you will understand) it relieves the pressure and afterwards you feel relief. Mentally, that is. Humans have demons. Humans have darkness. And that shit needs release. Well-made intelligent horror films meet that need. That’s why I love horror.

Because we are CRAP-MAGAZINE and our readers are retarded we have to ask you this. Have you ever had to take a dump on film?

Of all the things I have done in crazy films, I have never been called upon to take a dump, no. If I get a script that calls for it, I will make sure CRAP-MAGAZINE has an exclusive. That would be scary!

Last question. Imagine you could choose to play any role in the whole wide world. Which one would it be?

I have already played it. I toured as Jesus Of Nazareth for several years using just the words he said without all the bullcrap churches have laid on top of it. His way of life was simple and beautiful and loving. Jesus is everything to me. I see no contradiction with loving him and loving my wild and creepy roles, too. He hung out with whores and lepers, so I figure he is ok with me.

Thank you so much Bill for your commitment. We wish you great success and hope to see you even more often in movies.

Questions by D//D

A famous actor from Hollywood, LA gives us, CRAP-MAGAZINE an interview? How could that happen?

In the first edition of CRAP MAGAZINE, we had a review of the magnificent film Nude Nuns With Big Guns and this article emphasizes the brilliant acting of Bill Colonel Jr. as the rapist Brother John. Bill Oberst Jr. has googled his name, discovered the positive feedback in the review and offered us to interview him. At first we were skeptical, but when we got to know Bill, all doubts vanished. He is such a nice guy and we were totally surprised of his honesty in answering our questions. Respect!

Want more CRAP-TALK? Here you go: “Ask the H-Dude” und “Der Legionär” (both in German)

More english contenct: Unwritten Laws Explained: Shotgun!; unjustly scorned #1 and#2.

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